Reindeer Munch [What's Cooking: Festive '12]

This is apparently the "holiday name" for a snack called "puppy chow" that's really popular in the States. All the elements seem pretty sound, but this is the first recipe from this edition of Kraft's What's Cooking that didn't really follow through. Let's just say, eight cups is a lot of cereal.

Cookbook Recipe:

Ingredients:

• 1/2 cup smooth peanut butter (since it's a branded recipe, they wanted Kraft brand, but there's literally no difference between Kraft and the brand I already had in my cupboard, so I'm going to defend this non-substitution)
• 4 squares Baker's Semi-Sweet chocolate
• 8 cups "bite-size crispy rice cereal squares" (this is where I wish there had been branding because that's such an oddly specific cereal request. I used rice-based Chex, since that fits the description)
• 1/2 cup icing sugar

Following the cookbook recipe exactly:

1. In a large, microwaveable bowl, nuke the peanut butter and chocolate on medium for 2 minutes. Stir until blended.

2. Add the cereal and toss to coat. Here's where the problem comes in for this recipe - 8 cups is a massive amount of cereal, and there's just not enough chocolate/peanut butter mix to coat everything completely.

3. Spread the mix on wax or parchment paper covered baking sheets and let cool.

4. Place in a large resealable plastic bag or paper bag with the icing sugar. Close the bag and shake to coat.

The Outcome:

The picture in the cookbook shows cereal that looks like it's been dipped in chocolate instead of just a slight dusting. The actual outcome is still pretty good, but it tastes more like I'm just eating dry chocolate frosted cereal (I should try putting milk in the bowl and see how it goes). The portions here seem off, maybe using half the cereal would make it more into a dessert instead of just an amped up cereal. I mean, it's still tasty, but that's because you're essentially just adding sugar and chocolate to something that's already "breakfast dessert".

Fillet of Pork with Banana [Cooking For One]

Let's finish off the very weird Cooking For One with a really messed up recipe. This is the first recipe I've had to modify for my own personal safety. This condenses all the weirdness of this cookbook into one recipe: weird flavour combos, excessive microwave use (to cook meat even!), and somehow despite it all tasting bland.

Cookbook Recipe:

Ingredients:

• 1 small onion, sliced
• 1 tsp butter
• 5 oz (142g) fillet of pork
• 1/2 small banana
• salt and fresh ground black pepper
• 1 apple
• 2 tsp peanut butter
• 1-2 tbsp creme fraiche
• 1 tsp flaked almonds

Following the recipe exactly:

Say no more, say no more!

1. Put the onion and butter in a microwaveable dish and microwave on HIGH for 2 minutes (all microwave settings are on HIGH here). Cut a pocket in the pork and insert the banana (oo er!).

2. Season the pork and place in the microwaveable dish and spoon some of the onion on top. Peel and slice the apple and cover the pork with apple slices. Cover and microwave for five minutes.

3. In a bowl, mix the peanut butter and creme fresh and spread it over the pork. Top with the almonds and microwave uncovered for 3-4 minutes.

Mmmm trichinosis

4.  The recipe ends here, but you will now notice that the pork is still raw inside. I had to nuke the pork for an extra 4 minutes to cook it all the way through. I figure personal safety is work breaking my "no changes" rule.

The Outcome:

Just no.

This is really fucking terrible. I don't even know where to start. First, following the recipe exactly doesn't cook the meat all the way through. Secondly, it's gross - while banana and peanut butter or pork and apples go together, there's too much going on here, so it's a big sloppy grey mess. However, at the same time, it's also bland - the meat is tough and tasteless, as are the onions. The only redeeming quality is that it's now been a few hours and I don't think I have food poisoning.

Super Simple Peanut Butter and Sriracha Cookies [The Veggie-Lover's Sriracha Cookbook]

Like the section on drinks, I knew I had to give the dessert section of the Veggie-Lover's Sriracha Cookbook a go. The idea of peanut butter and Sriracha doesn't seem to be as off-the-wall as you'd think - the combination of peanuts and chilies is pretty common in a lot of Asian cuisines. However, it's not incorporating the spice that's the problem here, it's incorporating the vegan-ness (or the fact that this recipe is mainly just peanut butter on a tray).

Cookbook Recipe:

Ingredients:

• 1 tbsp ground flaxseeds
• 3 tbsp water
• 1 cup natural creamy peanut butter (I had to make a mandatory substitution of "unnatural" peanut butter - I don't really like peanut butter so I needed to get rid of this jar)
• 1/3 cup Grade B maple syrup (that's "Canada No. 2" in Canada)
• 2 tbsp Sriracha
• 1/4 tsp fine sea salt
• 1/4 tsp baking powder
• 1/4 tsp baking soda

Following the cookbook recipe exactly:

"Mucilaginous" is an amazing, if gross, word

1. Preheat the oven to 350F. In a small bowl, mix the flaxseeds and water until they mucilaginate and turn into a goopy gel after a few minutes.

2. Mix the flaxseeds and their goo with the peanut butter, maple syrup, Sriracha, salt, baking powder and soda. The dough needs a vigorous stirring to come together, and it's going to be a lot stickier than normal cookie dough.

3. Put heaping tablespoons of the dough and put them on a prepared baking sheet, about 1 1/2 inches apart. Bake for 8-10 minutes, then let cool on the pan for 15 minutes (they have a weird foamy consistency right out of the oven). Cool further on a wire rack.

The Outcome:

Sad to say but the consistency just doesn't work. When they came out of the oven, they were a weird foamy texture that only somewhat firmed up after the cooling. The flaxseeds didn't seem to do much, I'm guessing they were meant as a flour substitute, but these really had the texture of warmed peanut butter. To be fair, that's basically what these cookies are - they also seriously stick to the roof of your mouth and fall apart if you try to lift them. The spice is nice and does go well with the peanut butter and maple syrup, but I think someone with a bit of time and dedication could fix this recipe and still keep it vegan - add some flour, amplify the amount of flaxseeds, or bake them for longer? Or just say sod it and add Sriracha to a peanut butter cookie recipe?