Thursday, 3 December 2015

Fillet of Pork with Banana [Cooking For One]

Let's finish off the very weird Cooking For One with a really messed up recipe. This is the first recipe I've had to modify for my own personal safety. This condenses all the weirdness of this cookbook into one recipe: weird flavour combos, excessive microwave use (to cook meat even!), and somehow despite it all tasting bland.

Cookbook Recipe:


  • 1 small onion, sliced
  • 1 tsp butter
  • 5 oz (142g) fillet of pork
  • 1/2 small banana
  • salt and fresh ground black pepper
  • 1 apple
  • 2 tsp peanut butter
  • 1-2 tbsp creme fraiche
  • 1 tsp flaked almonds

Following the recipe exactly:

Say no more, say no more!

1. Put the onion and butter in a microwaveable dish and microwave on HIGH for 2 minutes (all microwave settings are on HIGH here). Cut a pocket in the pork and insert the banana (oo er!).

2. Season the pork and place in the microwaveable dish and spoon some of the onion on top. Peel and slice the apple and cover the pork with apple slices. Cover and microwave for five minutes.

3. In a bowl, mix the peanut butter and creme fresh and spread it over the pork. Top with the almonds and microwave uncovered for 3-4 minutes.

Mmmm trichinosis

4.  The recipe ends here, but you will now notice that the pork is still raw inside. I had to nuke the pork for an extra 4 minutes to cook it all the way through. I figure personal safety is work breaking my "no changes" rule.

The Outcome:

Just no.

This is really fucking terrible. I don't even know where to start. First, following the recipe exactly doesn't cook the meat all the way through. Secondly, it's gross - while banana and peanut butter or pork and apples go together, there's too much going on here, so it's a big sloppy grey mess. However, at the same time, it's also bland - the meat is tough and tasteless, as are the onions. The only redeeming quality is that it's now been a few hours and I don't think I have food poisoning.


  1. Thank you for doing this so I don't have to 0_I

    1. I actually ate it all and hated every second of it.